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The intimacy has dried up, you can’t stop fighting and you’re growing in different ways — but you still love each other. Is it time to break up, or is the relationship salvageable?
Break-ups are hard — so hard, in fact, that some stay in relationships for months (or even years!) longer than we should, despite knowing that things aren’t working. In fairness, it can be difficult to determine if the relationship is truly ‘over’, especially if you’ve spent years pouring everything you have into making it work. So, how do you know when it’s time to call it quits? Keep scrolling to read some honest personal accounts of our relationship fails — including one where, despite everything, they stayed together.
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The One Where She Let Go Of Her First Love
We met in high school, and it was the kind of young, all-consuming love that feels infinite when you’re 16. He saw me at a Sweet Sixteen and ‘had to meet me’ (imagine the ego boost); I was instantly smitten when we were introduced. Everything felt raw, new and exciting, but by the time I graduated, things started to unravel. Neither of us could face the reality of doing long distance when I went to university (he was a year younger), and instead of addressing our fears, we fought, creating more distance.
In the months leading up to the move, my anxiety took over. I subconsciously knew what was coming, and it made me become the worst version of myself — needy, jealous and controlling. We broke up the night before I left for school. That night, I sobbed endlessly, mourning not just him, but the end of my childhood and everything familiar.
We tried to reconnect briefly, but it wasn’t the same. Looking back, I realise I wasn’t holding onto him because I was still in love, but because I was afraid of moving forward. I clung to what felt safe, even though it pushed him away. Nearly 20 years later, I cringe at my behaviour during that time, but I’ve come to see how much it shaped me. Letting go of him helped me become fiercely independent. I’ve since married, but I approach love differently now — it’s a choice, not a need. Though I regret how things ended, I’m grateful for him. He was a great first love, and I wish him nothing but happiness.
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The One Where He Crossed The Line
Our relationship began as a natural extension of our friendship, settling into a comfortable, three-month relationship. It was easy and uncomplicated, a ‘friends with benefits’ situation that felt safe because of our existing bond. For a while, that seemed to be enough, and I didn’t look for any deeper commitment.
That simplicity shattered one night as we got ready for an evening out. My best friend was unsure about a dress with cutouts, and I was reassuring her when he interjected with a cruel, unsolicited opinion: “I don’t think she can pull that off, she’s a bit too fat for that dress.” In the stunning silence that followed, my mind raced — not only was I fiercely protective of my friend, but a quieter, more insecure voice wondered, if he thought that of her, what did he see when he looked at me?
I pulled him aside and told him his words were unforgivably rude and hurtful, but the damage was done. The next day, with a resolve hardened by his subsequent dismissal of my feelings, I ended it. He was confused and accused me of overreacting, but his reaction only confirmed that our values were fundamentally misaligned. I don’t look back with regret, but with a sense of clarity. That moment taught me a non-negotiable truth about the kind of love I would accept: one that never, ever gets to disrespect the people I hold dear.
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The One Where She Dodged a Bullet
We weren’t together long — just a few months — but in the beginning, he played the perfect boyfriend. He’d bring me food at work, check on me during my shifts and make sure I got home safely. But as I got to know him, the cracks started to show. One day, after I stopped working with him, I asked if he wanted to meet for a quick walk during his lunch break, and he snapped, saying I was making the relationship more serious than it was. He even accused me of falling in love with him, pointing to my good morning texts or evening calls as ‘evidence.’ I was stunned — not just because I hadn’t even thought about love, but because the assumption felt so arrogant and manipulative.
That conversation made me realise how one-sided our relationship had been. I was kind and supportive, while he used me and made me feel small. I explained, for my own dignity, that I wasn’t in love with him, then cried about it for an evening before taking a day trip with friends. Looking back, I’m grateful I got out when I did, though I feel sad for the younger me, allowing herself to be treated so poorly. Ultimately, though, it was a turning point. I swore off dating for a while — but a few months later, I met my now (long-term) boyfriend. It’s crazy to think that, if I hadn’t ended things, I would never have really fallen in love.
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The One Where They Worked Through It
We’ve been together for five years, and during that time, there have been many moments when I thought we wouldn’t make it. From enduring a year of long distance to infidelity and crossed boundaries, we’ve both made our share of mistakes. On top of that, we’re extremely different people, which makes communication and understanding a constant challenge. It took us a long time to work through our shortcomings, and even longer to rebuild the trust we had lost. Moments like those force you to ask if you’re truly right for each other — if the effort is worth it, or if walking away would be easier.
Through those moments, I’ve come to realise that love isn’t about perfect compatibility or some idea of being ‘meant to be.’ We grow up hearing stories about finding ‘the one,’ but that’s not how I see relationships anymore. I haven’t found someone who completes me, but I have found someone that sees me for who I am — mess and imperfections included — and chooses me anyway. There may be relationships that are smoother sailing, or even people I would more ‘naturally’ be compatible with, but it wouldn’t be the same. If our relationship is an uphill battle, it’s one I’m grateful to fight for.
Read More: Break Up Survival Guide
All images courtesy of Sassy Media Group using stills from Chunking Express (1994) by Wong Kar-wai.
