Workplace Romance — Is He The One, Or Is He Just In Your Office?

Some may argue that an office romance is inevitable in Hong Kong due to the city’s long working hours, which leads to extended time spent with coworkers. But is it ever a good idea?

It starts with an innocent smile, a simple “Good morning” from your coworker, but suddenly, they’re all you’re thinking about — even after work hours. Does he say good morning to everyone, or is it just you? You start thinking of all the potential moments you could share: kissing in the elevators à la ‘Grey’s Anatomy’; flirty convos in the stairwell (also à la ‘Grey’s Anatomy’); mini coffee and lunch dates (again — Grey’s). But wait — when did Kevin from accounting become Kevin From Accounting, the one you’re planning your outfit for, the one who made you stifle your laughter when he side-Slacked you during the Monday meeting and the one who made you blush when your hands accidentally touched? Could it be? Is he…the one or is he just…one?  But you can’t be that person who dates a co-worker, can you? Is falling for your co-worker a recipe for disaster or just a cute way to meet these days?

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When proximity and potential intertwine: the appeal of a workplace romance

The subscribers to the “men-and-women-can’t-be-just-friends” school of thought would argue that a workplace romance is inevitable. Proximity, late nights (especially with Hong Kong’s working culture consisting of crazy long hours), lingering eye contact over the printer, a shared eyeroll when Linda can’t get the PowerPoint running smoothly and mutual hatred over a shared boss are a recipe for romantic tension. Add to that, the familiarity and routine of seeing the same people every day creates a false sense of potential when it comes to romances or friendships that blossom within the office walls (are you actually friends, or just work friends?).

Not to mention, now and then, Kevin From Accounting may say something reasonably intelligent, consequently drawing attention to his kissable lips. While a rare occurrence, it might be the cherry (and icing) on top of the office cake that is an office romance.  It’s a theory discussed throughout popular media; Season 6, Episode 11 of ‘How I Met Your Mother’ discusses The Mermaid Theory — the idea that over an unspecified period of time, two people are destined to one day see the other in a different, more attractive light. In the example given in the show, sailors one day began to see big, ugly manatees as beautiful mermaids.

In other words, it might just be a sort of workplace Stockholm syndrome.

If Dunder Mifflin’s Jim and Pam met and got married in ‘The Office’, Seattle Grace’s Meredith and Derek tied the knot in ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ and ‘Parks and Recreation’ Leslie and Ben (even government officials!) could meet and fall in love in the workplace, why can’t you? Or like movies such as ‘Set It Up’, ‘The Proposal’ or ‘Two Weeks Notice’ would have you believe, maybe the right one has been under your nose the whole time.  So is it just a trope, or could Kevin From Accounting really be the Jim to your Pam?

Read More: 6 Dating Tips — How To Date With Ease

Before Jim and Pam, it was Roy and Pam 

We’re not ones to tell you NOT to do it, but it’s important to consider the dynamics that could be at play if you’ve come to the conclusion that Kevin From Accounting is The One.  But remember, before Jim and Pam, it was Roy and Pam — and everyone had an opinion on that. Nothing fuels a working day quite like office gossip, and an office relationship is like bringing a telenovela to the meeting agenda in Conference Room B. 

Power dynamics might also be a factor to consider — maybe he’s not your boss (never go for the boss!), but is he the boss’s favourite? Will the fallout from him mean indirect calamity from management? Furthermore, would Kevin From Accounting’s moods make your working life more difficult? Say an argument on a date occurs, does that mean he delays getting you the files you need? If things don’t work out, the flirty looks over the photocopier might transform into terrorising your working life.

Not to mention, HR policies may require you to disclose the relationship, depending on your company’s policies, which means colleagues knowing your business and your professional reputation being at risk. A reader tells Sassy, “My boyfriend and I used to work in the same team, and we dated for a while, I think it was over one year. But when we broke up, I had to move teams. Now, we work in separate buildings and separate teams, and I don’t like my new department as much as the old one.”  The world of office politics is not for the faint-hearted, so only enter if you dare.

Read More: The Truth About Dating Apps In Hong Kong

Having your cake and eating it too — in the 852.

In Hong Kong, everyone knows everyone. Nicole? Oh, she’s my brother’s best friend’s sister’s ex-classmate’s ex-girlfriend. Tight-knit circles and corporate worlds mean this won’t just be a simple fling you forgive and forget; it will follow you.  Plus, with a real-life office romance, you’re often blurring the lines between social and work life (Severance, I’m looking at you); the after-work happy hours, junk parties and evening debriefs can start to feel like networking or team building, and untangling the knots upon the fallout and redefining your professional life can be messy.

Read More: Hong Kong Dating Stories: Long-Distance Relationships

Look, maybe he isn’t your whole world; he’s just in your office. 

A Sassy Team member divulges: “I dated a coworker for a few months. I remember loving coming to work, always excited for my next shift, knowing I’d see him — the buzz would even keep my weekend exciting. He’d always bring me little snacks and make sure I was enjoying my working day. But when we started dating, I started seeing who he actually was — the overly ripped jeans,  overuse of gel in his hair (even off the clock?) and opinions on day-to-day matters that we just couldn’t agree on. When he stopped doing the nice things that initially attracted me to him, it made me realise that I had rose-tinted office glasses on — maybe he wasn’t my whole world, he was just in my office.” 

Read More: Hong Kong Dating Stories: Online Dating

So, should you do it? Sassy Tips just for you! 

We certainly can’t stop you from making bad decisions, but if you’re going to date in the workplace, here are a few Sassy tips: 

• Understand your company’s policies before diving headfirst into a workplace romance — some companies have strict no-dating policies, so it’s best to check!
• Date someone at or near your peer level to minimise power imbalance concerns and perceptions of favouritism. It goes without saying, especially avoid relationships that involve your direct supervisors or your subordinates!
• Keep the relationship discreet at work. Avoid PDA (no holding hands under the conference table!) and keep personal conversations outside the office, and especially not over communication channels, like Teams or Slack.
<li “0” “0”>Remain professional in the workplace. Don’t let your relationship influence work decisions or create cliques.
• Resolve any conflicts privately and avoid bringing personal issues to work (we don’t need to know that Kevin didn’t do the dishes last night!)
• Communicate openly with your partner about boundaries to ensure both sides respect workplace norms and maintain appropriate interactions with colleagues.
• Be prepared for potential backlash and workplace perceptions. Not everyone is going to be on board, so it’s important to maintain transparency and be ready to handle any negative opinions maturely, without letting it affect your performance or relationships with coworkers.

Read More: What It’s Really Like Being In An Open Relationship

If we’ve learnt anything from the copious amounts of romantic comedies, falling in love is worth taking a leap of faith. It could lead to the greatest love story of your life — but more often than not, falling for your co-worker is merely a recipe for disaster. Despite the Bumble fails, dating app awkwardness and Tinder troubles, Sassy always has you covered with the latest events where you could meet Mr or Mrs Right (outside the workplace).  Love is complicated, but so are office politics — so choose wisely.

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